


Naivety and Frustration

by tomlinsuave



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Louis, Crack, M/M, Or Is It?, but don't read this for the sex, you will regret this decision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13285665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinsuave/pseuds/tomlinsuave
Summary: Louis finds out that Harry doesn't know what sex is.





	Naivety and Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd because I just wrote this and it's 3 AM. If someone could correct any mistakes (apart from the existence of this fic as a whole) I'd welcome your feedback.

“I pick...dare.”

It was a juvenile game, but one that’s keeping them entertained in their sleep-deprived post-concert state. They don't make a habit of keeping secrets and after five years of sharing cramped quarters, boundaries are essentially non existent. 

“Okay, I dare you to slide my dick down your throat!” 

That said, even Louis has his limits.

“What the fuck? No.”

“Come on!” Harry goads, “it would be so funny!”

Liam, Zayn, and Niall stare at Harry with emotions ranging from genuine concern to uncomfortable amusement as Louis contemplates his entire existence. 

“Imagine,” Harry continues, the pregnant pauses between his words filling with hardly suppressed laughter, “my dick! Down Louis’ throat! That's so weird, isn't it? A dick belongs in your pants! Not near someone else’s mouth!” 

The rest of the band’s expressions quickly shift to confusion. They exchange raised eyebrows and bemused smirks as Harry will not stop talking. 

“Like, would my dick even fit in there?” Harry bursts out laughing. Zayn buries his head in his proverbial helmet and leaves the area, but Harry refuses to falter. “I mean, that's so weird, right? Who would even think about doing something like that? It's crazy!”

“Harry…” Louis begins, tentatively, “do you know what a blowjob is?” Liam gives him an immediate glare as Harry abruptly stops laughing. 

“What? Of course I do, Louis.” Harry says solemnity.

“Oh, okay,” Louis breathes out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Just what you were saying just now was so--”

“I don't understand what that has to do with my dare, though.” Harry continues in the same tone. 

Louis can say nothing. Liam and Niall take this opportunity to silently call it a night and head to their respective beds. Louis can't bring himself to do that, he must solve this mystery of a man. 

“Okay,” Louis starts once the rest of the guys were out of earshot, “what exactly do you think a blowjob is?” 

“Louis, we can't talk about these things in public. There are children around, probably.”

“Humor me, please.” 

“Well...” Harry starts, mumbling, clearly nervous. 

“Okay, so you don't know what it is.” 

“No, no, I do!” Harry continues, flustered now. “It's, you know… when a man and a woman sleep in the same bed…” 

“Alright, go on.”

“And the woman starts to perform… acts on the man.” 

Louis is quite surprised by how conservative Harry is. He decides not to push him to go on, but Harry's too nervous to sense any social cues properly, not that he's great under at it under regular circumstances. 

“Like… like a blowout or a quiff or a--”

“Wait, what?”

Harry meets Louis’ eyes for the first time since he started his speech. 

“Harry,” Louis begins, at this point more frustrated than confused, “are you naming hairstyles?” Harry continues to look at Louis, evidently puzzled. 

“Yeah, I mean, how else would you use a blow dryer?” 

“Are you having a laugh?” 

“No, why?”

Louis buries his head in his arms for a good few minutes. When he lifts his head back up, Harry is still wearing the same expression. With a sigh, he announces, “Alright, let’s go to my bunk. I don't want the rest of the guys listening to this.” In fact, Louis is frankly disgusted that he has to have this conversation, but he has to know, now, what exactly Harry does and doesn't know. 

They settle on either end of the bed, facing each other. 

“Okay,” Louis begins, “so I know you've had sex before.” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

“Okay, so how’d you get it into your head that a blowjob is some kind of… erotic hairdressing technique? 

“I dunno. It just always seemed like it was that, I guess,” Harry replies, ever insightful.

“So you didn't think it was strange how everything else you do during sex involves someone’s genitals?” 

“Well, everything is different, isn't it?” 

“Not really, Harry. Think about it.” Louis responds patiently, having grown used to having to spend a little more time with Harry when it comes to thinking. 

“I just mean, like, what does washing the dishes have to do with your genitals?”

“...I beg your pardon?”

“You know? A handjob?”

Louis didn't think he could get more broken than he already was, but here he is. His concern begins to fade, getting replaced by anger the more he stares at Harry’s naive eyes. He takes a deep breath and attempts to calm himself before speaking. 

“Okay, let’s start at the beginning. Where do you think babies come from?”

“Sex!” Harry responds gleefully. 

“Good.” Louis laments his situation. “Now what do you think sex is?”

“It's when you sleep together.” 

“Righ--wait, what exactly do you mean?” Louis has learned to expect the worst. 

“I don't want to go into too much detail, Louis. I am a gentleman, after all.” 

“Okay, whatever. Just, explain to me what you did when you were on your boat with Kendall Jenner a few weeks ago? At night?”

“Well, at about seven o’clock we made dinner, set the table, then we ate, then we washed the dishes,” Harry begins to get flustered, Louis begins to contemplate suicide, “then we got into bed.”

A pregnant pause follows.

“Okay, then what happened?”

“We went to sleep? Then we woke up the next morni--”

“Oh my fucking god!” Louis finally allows his rage to be unleashed. Harry appears taken aback, but Louis cannot care less. “You don't know anything, do you? Oh my god. How is this even possible? I can't even count how many times you've made innuendos in interviews. And on stage. And when we’re alone. Are you fucking with me? You have to be fucking with me, Harry, please tell me you're fucking with me.” 

“I don't know what you're talking abou--”  
Harry is interrupted by what can only be classified as a shriek of frustration. 

“Oh my god.” Louis repeats, after a few minutes of silent seething rage. “Okay. I know what I must do.” Louis unzips and shimmies down Harry’s jeans with some effort. “This,” Louis says, pulling out Harry’s dick for emphasis, “is a penis.”

“I know that, Louis.”

“Do you? I'm surprised, really.” He doesn't let go. 

“This,” Louis continues, quickly and suddenly rubbing his hand up and down, “is a handjob. Not washing the dishes or whatever the fuck you were saying.”

Harry doesn't retort. 

Louis bends down. “This,” he takes Harry’s cock into his mouth, traveling its length with speed until Harry lets out a groan and he promptly pops off, “is a blowjob.” 

Harry is completely hard now. Louis refuses to contemplate his own sexuality at the moment. 

“And this,” Louis unbuttons and discards his own clothing. He spends a few minutes prepping himself, eager both to begin and to end this as quickly as possible. With Harry’s current state, it appears that time won't be an issue. He lays Harry down on the bunk and climbs on top of him, sinking down as fast he can without hurting himself. As soon as he gets comfortable, he continues, “is called sex.”

Louis can see his own reflection in Harry’s wide, dilated eyes. They stare at each other in silence as they finish the act, Harry coming with a low grown and Louis following seconds after. Louis pops off of Harry and settles down on the bed, purposely disregarding any extraneous fluids. Harry doesn't move for a few minutes and Louis takes this time to reflect. 

“So, uh, now you know right? What sex is and stuff?”

“Yeah. Yeah I definitely know,” Harry responds, evidently still in a state of bliss. 

“Well, then you should probably go back.” Louis is not met with an answer. He glances next to him only to see Harry’s sleeping form. Louis decides to settle down next to him, if only for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say for myself other than this 100% happened and you're a fool if you don't believe it.


End file.
